One shot; one kill

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I have always had a hard time discerning someone’s sarcasm from when one isn’t being so; especially when it is subtle. I suppose it has something to do with my strong ESTJ mindset causing me to take everyone far too literally.

I do however take a significant amount of pride in my sarcasm and I find that most people to whom I deliver these gentle death blows do understand them quite readily. I find that to be convenient.

For your amusement, here are a few examples that I’ve had the distinct pleasure of letting loose over the last few years.

I must say that I found every one of them wonderfully therapeutic.

Do feel free to use them…at your own risk of course.

Colleague: You know sometimes I just don’t think the left hand knows what the right hand is doing.

Me: I have yet to see a situation around here in which the left hand actually knows what it is doing.

Friend: My 7 year old is a genius on the 88 keys keyboard. He already plays without looking at the keys!

Me: I agree. He actually found the ‘Ctrl’ key on his computer’s English keyboard within 5 minutes last evening. After all, there are only 2 of those. He really is quite talented.

Acquaintance (distant): Hey, you’ve got to see my son’s birthday party video on Facebook now!

Me: Oh certainly! Has it already been 48 hours since I attended the entire event? How time flies.

Annoying stranger: Your son is terribly shy. He does not seem to speak freely with everyone.

Me: Sorry. I am afraid even at this tender age he is an extremely good judge of character.

Doctor: I would suggest that you Google ‘do’s & don’ts during pregnancy’ for some useful tips.

Me: Isn’t it absolutely lovely what an expensive medical school education can teach one these days?