IT (needs) Support

My dear readers, I swear to you upon everything in the known (and unknown) universe that is pure & true that the conversation written below is absolutely real. If you’re not shocked (and hopefully amused as well) after reading the dialogue below, I offer you my heartiest congratulations. You have nerves of steel.

IT Support: Good morning sir. Happy Friday! How are you?

Me: I am fine, thank you. How are you? I need help with an app not loading anymore on my iPad.

IT Support: I am doing well sir, thank you. What is the app?

Me: It is an app that allows me to document notes and pictures after having made some observations on the shop-floor and then upload that data onto a dedicated database.

IT Support: I see. What is the issue with the app?

Me: When I click on the app’s icon on the iPad’s home page as I have always done, it attempts to load the app as it should and then suddenly stops and goes back to the home page. This problem began about 2 weeks ago.

IT Support: Sounds like something is wrong with the app or the iPad.

Me: (desperately trying to curb my boundless sarcasm already…) Yes, so it does. What do you suppose is the reason for this?

IT Support: Have you tried turning off the iPad and turning it back on? You need to press the power button for a few seconds and then slide the round button from left to right on the screen to turn it off…

Me: (the dormant volcano of sarcasm in me just became active) So that’s what I’ve been doing wrong all these years. Yes, I have done this roughly 10 times in the last 2 weeks. Same outcome I am afraid. Isn’t the ‘turn it off and then turn it back on and hope that takes care of all ills’ idea applicable only to Microsoft products?

IT Support: Oh no, that works sometimes for iPads and iPhones too.

Me: Does it indeed? That’s standardization for you. Lovely. What shall I try next?

IT Support: Are you using the iPad in portrait mode or landscape?

Me: (thanking The Lord that I am not having this conversation in person with the genius on the other side of the call)…in landscape…(of course I am wondering what the blazes that has to do with the app not loading properly! Aren’t you?)

IT Support: Try loading the app in portrait mode. (note the confidence in that suggestion)

Me: I just tried that. Same outcome.

IT Support: Wow! There’s definitely something wrong with the iPad or the app.

Me: (almost speechless by now) Yes, quite. What shall I try next?

IT Support: Not sure. Swipe from the bottom to the top to open the volume & brightness controls.

Me: (I’ve abandoned all hope now) You know, the iPad does not even do that now. It won’t load the screen controls when I swipe from the bottom to the top. However, it does respond properly to the side to side & top to bottom swipes.

IT Support: Oh? How strange. Does the iPad have a cover of some sort?

Me: Yes, an Otter Box cover. Top of the line. I bought it with the iPad and everything has been working swimmingly except in the last 2 weeks when just this one app and now the screen controls don’t load or respond to my finger swipe.

IT Support: Are you sure that the Otter Box cover is not constricting the iPad blocking any part of the screen? Are your fingers sweaty?

Me: (constricting the iPad?!!!) No. As I’ve told you, everything else on the iPad is still working perfectly well. It’s just this one app and the bottom to top swipe screen controls.

IT Support: Well sir, here’s what I think. There’s something definitely wrong with the iPad or the app…

I hung up. I needed a cup of strong coffee (or ten) to steady my nerves. I am still convalescing from the trauma inflicted by that conversation.